Feeling exhausted? Resentful? Overwhelmed? Perpetually annoyed? You are not alone.
The conversation about how we invest our time, money and energy (collectively, our f*cks) comes up with clients all of the time. We exist in a culture that idealizes perpetual motion and as such, get stuck on the hamster wheel of predictable shittyness in our everyday lives. We spend our fucks on the things we are “supposed to” or feel obligated to, feeling overworked and overwhelmed with everything we have to try and maintain in order to be worthy. And we never slow down long enough to ask ourselves if this is really what we want because we live in fear of what will happen if anythign crashed to the ground.
Is any of this resonating with you? Then try using this trick I use with my clients to assess their f*ck spending and help gain a little clarity about where we can go from here.
Make a list of every bucket you invest your f*cks in everyday. All of them. “Work”, “Hygiene”, “Household”, “Family”, “Friends”, “Health”, “Sleep”, “Netflix” (nope, not even a little bit kidding)…some categories may slip your mind when you first go through this exercise. That is okay. You can always come back and revisit this or add more over time.
Now, add a bucket for both “self-care” and “negative self-talk” as I can assure you most of you aren’t thinking about the amount of f*cks being spent on negative self talk and are likely not investing much, it anything, in self-care.
Pretend I gave you 100 f*cks to spend on each of these buckets. Write/Draw out your expenses for each bucket - remember, this includes time, money and energy.
Reflection: take a few minutes to journal — no not just think about but actually write down — to reflect on the feelings and thoughts that come up as you look at the page. What do you notice? Are there places you feel like you are over-investing in? Areas you feel like are not getting enough, or any, of your coins? Where does the push to exists in this way come from? What external motivators, forces and values have pushed you to exist within this norm?
Consider not only these questions but also factor in your return on your investment (ROI). Again, write this down. With every investment, there is a net negative, neutral or positive return. For example, I spend a significant amount of time on relationships of importance — my husband, my mom and in-laws, friends — which takes time, money and energy. That investment is not always a convenient investment to make — relationships never are. AND, my investment always leaves me with a net neutral or positive ROI as I leave feeling more grounded and supported, can address any shame I am holding on to, invest in self care and take a break from social media. There is often an overlap in investment in health and wellness by getting outside, making food that fuels my body or being active in some way. However, for a long time I invested a lot of f*cks in aspects of my business that only ever left a negative ROI. I was trying to keep up on social media platforms that did not leverage any greater engagement and just sucked to work with, operated from a lens of financial scarcity and pushed myself to be working all of the time because I equated more work with more success and more money, and I said yes to things I really wanted to say no to, from coffee dates, speaking opportunities and more. So, as you can see, it is not the amount of f*cks that we need to consider alone, but the ROI they bring into our lives and the overall cost we can ascertain from that investment.
Now, create your dream investment portfolio by revisiting each of these buckets and allotting your ideal f*ck coins to each bucket.
Reflection: take a few minutes to journal — no not just think about but actually write down — to reflect on the feelings and thoughts that come up as you look at the page. What do you notice? If you can put yourself in a position to image this being your reality, do the feelings and thoughts circling in your head change? How so? How does this look different from the first bucket list? Do you notice a change in the values or intentions guiding this one versus the other?
Overall reflection: What would need to happen in order for you to make a change from the predictable shittyness in your current investment portfolio to your ideal? What would you have to let go of? What fears would you have to face? What possibilities exist if you make this change? Would more time free up? Would you feel more rested? Would you quit one of your buckets? Could you anchor yourself to your intrinsic motivation versus the external forces that too often consume you?
Next Steps: What is one step you can take in the next week to begin to move your investment strategy over to your dream portfolio? What do you need from yourself and others to complete this? What might get in the way and how can you address it when it does? Set the day/date/time it will be completed and WRITE IT DOWN to increase your accountability. BONUS if you write it in the comments section below so I can help keep you accountable and celebrate your success.
Now, these things take time. We cannot expect that we go from insight to action overnight or without support. The key here, is just to notice and to reflect. Then, give yourself permission to slowly move your f*cks, even just 1 or 2 at a time, over from your current to your ideal reality. Make space for hiccups and wrong turns. After all, this did not happen overnight and if your brain has been operating on autopilot for a long time, it will be hard to slow it down enough to even consider another option.
And as you continue on your journey, remember, I am always here to support you! So leave a comment below with your “aha” moments, questions and goals so I can walk with you on this journey to investing in a life you are excited about.