Megan

Kyira: “What about this project, or what about this movement made you want to be a part of it?”

Megan: “Yeah, um, well as you know I work for La Lingerie, which I’ve been doing it for about 3 ½ years. And, when I started there, it was just – it’s been kind of a journey on it’s own, just because you know, Katherine (La Lingerie owner Katherine Bice) is really, started this really to empower women and to make them feel comfortable in their own body and feel like, you know, they can wear pretty underwear. Because this is how people do it in Europe, they don’t just have bras for function, they also enjoy them, you know.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “And as I started working there, I realized that, I don’t – I hadn’t really thought that much about my body, which was just kind of funny. I’m sure that as a teenager I was very self-conscious and stuff. But as I saw this come out in people – their negative body image and low self-esteem – I never really realized it impacted people so much, and I just realized I didn’t think about my body that much. I don’t think about how it’s uncomfortable or anything like that. So listening to these women come in and have all these body issues, like, if anything it was interesting for me, like I kind of – I don’t want to say I became more body-conscious, but kind of, to some extent, I was like, ‘Well, gosh all these women are so worried about all these little things about their body’…”

Kyira: “Right. Why am I not …”

Megan: “Exactly. Why am I not thinking about it? So at some point I ended up seeing a therapist just to kind of get those thoughts sorted out in my head, because I couldn’t quite figure out like, ‘Why don’t I feel this way.’ And it’s not that I have this perfect body or anything, you know (laughing). But like, you know, I just hadn’t spent that much time at least in the last like 10 years or so really thinking about it all that much. So I was just like, ‘Gosh, is there like …?’ You know it was really hard for me to like process other people’s insecurities. And, I don’t know, the whole process was just really interesting. And like moving through that. And I still feel pretty good about my body, like I don’t – I have my things, like everybody has their things they don’t love about them. But you just learn to conceal them. And you think, like moving from my teens-20s to my 30s, I’ve just learned to, um, accentuate the things I like about my body.”

Kyira: “Right, right.”

Megan: “You know, and like the other things, I just hide. And it works out just fine. So I thought, when I heard that you were doing this, I was like, ‘Gosh, you know, I ask people every day to stand in front of me in their underwear (laughing).’ And I never…I mean I don’t do this at all, like I don’t ever do that for anybody, except for like when I’m training somebody new and then I’ll stand there and do that. And we started doing these photo shoots at work and all these things, and our fashion shows. And I kind of always had this, like, ‘That’s really awesome that they want to do that.’ Thank goodness I’m on …”

Kyira: “The other side.”

Megan: “The back side and I don’t have to do it! (Laughing.) Um, so when I saw that you were doing it, I was like, ‘Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo (deep breathing) yes. I will do that!’ Cuz, like, that will get me past that little comfort zone. Cuz like I said, I don’t think about it, but I also have learned to hide the things that make me uncomfortable. So I told Ashley (the photographer) during the shoot, she said, you know, ‘What are things that you like? What are things that you work on loving?’ And I told her what those were, you know, like I really like my neck and I don’t like when things dig into my hips and make me feel …”

Kyira: “Things hanging over …”

Megan: “Hanging over, and anything like that. And I was like, you know, and we took pictures of those two things. But I said so here’s the one thing that I would never have done is actually sit in a chair in front of somebody without something covering my stomach.”

Kyira: “Oh, yeah.”

Megan: “And I want to sit in a chair and have that picture taken. Because I’ve seen my belly, it’s not that big of a deal (laughing).”

Kyira: “But for some reason, there’s a disconnect in being able to let others see it freely.”

Megan: “Yeah, like, I remember like even as a hundred-pound 8th-grader at the pool …”

Kyira: “Yes! (Laughing.)”

Megan: “Like doing this lean-back sit (laughing and posing).”

Kyira: “Yeah! How long can I make my body so that you can’t actually see that there’s anything like lumps or wrinkles in any way.”

Megan: “Exactly!”

Kyira: “For sure.”

Megan: “I don’t know, so it’s just like, um, there were a lot of processes, I guess, that went through my brain in deciding to do it, I guess. But a lot of it had to do with me working in a field that I’m trying to help women feel exactly what, you know, you’re trying to make everyone feel. And I do it every single day, and, like, I’ve met thousands of women in the 3 ½ years they’ve been there. It’s been my full-time job for 3 ½ years. So like 40 hours a week, I’m just like meeting people and meeting people meeting people.”

Kyira: “Yeah, in those really vulnerable spaces, where they let you in really not knowing you at all.”

Megan: “Mm, hmm. Yeah. And because like, um, it’s Katherine’s mission not to just have people feel empowered, but also to have them really walk out of there with something that makes them super happy and that makes them feel so much better about themselves with it.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “For the first six months that I worked there, I didn’t even realize the people coming in were nervous, cuz I was so nervous about getting it wrong, like, I wanted it to go perfectly for them.”

Kyira: “Right. You weren’t able to absorb their anxiety …”

Megan: “Yeah. And then after that, after I got over that hump, that’s kinda when their anxiety hit me a little bit. And I was like, ‘Oh, people are nervous here.’ I’ve had a lot of, like, ups and downs doing that job because it, it’s an interesting place to be. I mean, like, I don’t know, just seeing people look at themselves in the mirror, basically. Cuz like the nice thing about what you’re doing here is there isn’t a mirror (laughing). You can’t really see what you’re doing.”

Kyira: “And you cant look at yourself and judge in the same way.”

Megan: “But like, I talked to people and they have to stare at themselves in the mirror, and they apologize to me constantly like, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry you have to see my belly. I’m so sorry. Like, oh, I should really, I’m gonna have to work on that.’ You know, this is showing, that’s showing …”

Kyira: “Thinking that’s what you’re paying attention to …”

Megan: “Oh, gosh, I am, I think I’ve told people before, I’m like, ‘If it makes you feel better, like, I’m not looking at your belly at all. I’m just staring at your boobs!’ (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “Yeah, right! (Laughing.) Like, let’s get real, this is actually what I care about.”

Megan: “And like that usually makes them laugh, just a little, just because it’s like, ‘Listen, like I’m not trying to judge anything, I just want to make sure your bra fits.’ But I say it like that cuz it’s humorous that way. ‘I’m only staring at your breasts, does that make you feel better?’ (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “That’s all I’m actually caring about.”

Megan: “So, yeah, so it’s just kind of, the job is really, it’s very interesting and … one of my, the things that people say to me constantly, they’re always worried about this piece of skin right here…” (pinching skin near her armpit)

Kyira: “Yep, the armpit fat.”

Megan: “The armpit fat right there. And they’re like, ‘Oh, gosh, I’m gonna have to work that off. I’m gonna have to work that off.’ And so I’ve just started telling them, I’m like, ‘Listen, you can do all you want to work that off, but it’s never going to help because if you didn’t have that piece of skin, you wouldn’t be able to lift your arm up.’ Like, and I’m like, ‘That’s what it’s there for, and you should be really grateful that it’s there.’ (Laughing.) Because, like, now you can lift your arm all the way up over your head. Otherwise, it would be like here (gestures).”

Kyira: “Right! You’d be ripping your skin …”

Megan: “That’s why it’s there. It’s not fat. It’s not something you can work off …”

Kyira: “Nope. Just skin …”

Megan: “Right. Just skin. You can’t exercise skin away.”

Kyira: “Well, and I think that there’s this component too of, what you said, everybody’s always assuming everyone else is noticing the things that they’re picking out in themselves or worried about. And from the very similar lens of like, ‘Well, I’m just looking at your boobs,’ I do – like in the therapy world – I work with people and they’ll tell me, ‘Well, when I walk down the street, I know everybody’s looking at me and everybody does [X, Y, and Z].’ And I’m like, in a reality way, though, you’re not that important to them. And not in the sense that you’re not an important individual, but everybody’s got all their own shit that’s getting in the way anyways so people don’t notice that stuff. It’s about freeing yourself from this belief that you have to perform or be [X] or look like [Y] to make sure that no one sees things when that’s not a realistic picture.”

Megan: “Yeah.”

Kyira: “You know, and that usually no one’s even paying attention or noticing those things anyways. And I think the second piece you said that really resonates with me is the idea of like doing something like this that puts you in that state of vulnerability. Because that will give you an even greater degree of empathy to addon top of what you have learned being there for the past 3 ½. Because there’s that piece of like, ‘Ooh, shit, that was uncomfortable.’ And then it’s, ‘Oh, OK, even more do I understand what I’m asking them to do.’ Like you said, with them having a mirror, or with them having a very different perspective than what you’re doing here. And this being a choice for a cause versus somebody getting intimately in touch with their body and what they’re looking for to feel good in it, you know.”

Megan: “Yeah, definitely. Um, what you said, you know, about people not caring, um, about other people, which is so true. Cuz, like, we’re all so self-involved that we don’t actually notice those things about other people. I bring that up to people a lot because again, back to the skin, where the band of a bra hits people, they’re always really concerned that it leaves even like the tiniest lump. And I don’t care if a girl is a size 0 or a size 24, she’ll say the same thing to me every single time: ‘But it looks like it digs in back here.’ And I say, you know, ‘Next time you’re walking down the street, just look around. And actually look for that on other people.’ The only time I ever see it on somebody, it usually means they haven’t had the opportunity, whatever the reason may be – financial, opportunity, knowledge, to buy a better bra, like that fits them better than that. Because it’s clearly like five sizes too small.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “When people’s bra fits them and it leaves like a little like…(gestures)”

Kyira: “Nobody notices.”

Megan: “Nobody notices that, unless you’re wearing like a ballet leotard everywhere you go or something like that (laughing). Which I doubt that you are.”

Kyira: “Right, or just your bra.”

Megan: “Yeah, exactly. Um, and then that’s not what they’re looking at either. You know, and I’ll tell women that, and they’re like, ‘Oh, but you know it looks like this.’ And I’ll say, ‘Listen, the only other person that’s gonna see that, I can guarantee that that’s not what they’re thinking about.’ Like they’re not looking at your pretty bra that you have and thinking, ‘Gosh, that digs into her skin, on this side.’ (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “If that wasn’t so big I’d be attracted to you right now (jokingly).”

Megan: “Exactly! Um, and then we do swim fittings too, so the other thing like with that is super funny. Like people, you know – and I feel the same way, like swimsuits are a whole different ballgame… they’ll see, like, women will be wearing like, you know, be really self-conscious about their swimsuit. And it’s just, again, same thing, you know. It’s that lean-fit thing. You know, I go out there, when I look around, there’s usually, there’s always that person on the beach who you’re just like, ‘Wow! She is really rockin’ that suit and she’s my size. I wish I could look like that or feel like she feels.’”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “I’m like, she probably is thinking the exact same thing you are. You know, and that’s what’s really important to me is putting yourself in that perspective. Like, nobody’s thinking about you. Again, not in a crappy way, but they really aren’t.”

Kyira: “No.”

Megan: “Like that person’s whose like a size 0 and has that “perfect body” (gestures) that you just wish you could have so much is so self-conscious about that, you know, her shape. I don’t know, it’s just hard. But it’s just really interesting, like, how people do think about themselves and assume that other people are thinking about them (laughing).”

 

Kyira: “Exactly. And then thinking that if you get to a certain size or a point that you don’t have those same feelings, you know. And like with most of the people I work with, I use a lot of self-disclosure about having gone through my eating disorder and let them know that there was never a point at a double-zero or whatever, when I was in kids’ clothes at that point, there was never a point that I was like, ‘Oh, this is the stopping point. I feel really good now.’ It was just the same pain that I felt at a different weight because so much of how we feel in ourselves actually has nothing to do with how we look physically. It’s that mind-body connection and that sense of self that we have. And if like somebody’s wearing that swimsuit and they look like they’re rocking it, it has to do with confidence and the way they carry themselves and their energy that you are interpreting that different than you could with somebody that’s like slumping over because they are so nervous or self-conscious.”

Megan: “Yeah.”

Kyira: “It could be clones of the exact same two people, but that changes it. And I think people miss that and miss the way that, like, your mental health really does impact that side of it.”

Megan: “Absolutely, yeah. Um, I had, it was a grandmother going on a cruise with her granddaughter. They were gonna be staying in the same room, and she was, ‘I’m gonna have to wear a swimsuit and I’m really nervous, like I haven’t had to wear a swimsuit in years.’ Towards the end of the fit, I was like, ‘Listen, I appreciate that you needed to get all of that out and like, your insecurities about, you know, these things. But when you go on that trip, I want you to just strut up and down that, like, you know, the deck of that boat, with your 6-year-old granddaughter and pretend like you don’t care. Because she will read all of that stuff from you.’”

Kyira: “Exactly …”

Megan: “And she will take it all …”

Kyira: “And she’s gonna take it in and assume she’s supposed to think the same things.”

Megan: “Yeah. And I was like, ‘I don’t care. That suit looks awesome. You know, you’re going on a beach vacation, who cares?’ You know, everybody else has to throw their suit on like you. And especially because you’re spending time with her be careful what you say in front of her.”

Kyira: “Well, and let her just like feel the way, like you’re saying, feel the way that she wants to feel without interpreting that. Cuz the other shitty thing is she’s taking in everybody else’s negative energy, too. So if you can at least be that pillar of strength in that, that makes a very big difference.”

Megan: “And she was really thankful. She was like, ‘Oh, thank you for saying that because I might not have thought about that.’ Like I’m not trying to, like, scold or reprimand, I’m just telling you, like, hanging out with a 6-year-old, it’s really important that you don’t say any of those things that you said to me, like, in front of her. Because she’ll hear it.”

Kyira: “Yeah.”

Megan: “She’ll hear it, and she’ll use if for a really long time (laughing).”

Kyira: “Well, and I think it’s that piece of, you know, when you think about where your sense of self develops. So you said that, like, you’re sure that you had those moments, like you remember being nervous about certain things but as you got older, you sort of like disconnected with it? I don’t know if that’s the right word to use? But maybe just didn’t really feel those things or think about those things. What types of messages did you get growing up – just about like bodies, beauty, any of that?”

Megan: “Oh. (Long pause.) I don’t know, I guess I was always pretty thin, so I thought – I think there was a part of me who just always thought I had to stay that way, you know.”

Kyira: “Oh, right.”

Megan: “And I don’t know that it was forced upon me or anything like that. But I just, there was something in my brain like, that that was the size I had to stay.”

Kyira: “Yeah.”

Megan: “And I’ve, you know, basically stayed that way. But I’ve, over the years, I’ve gained 30-40 pounds. I just carry it…”

Kyira: “Differently…”

Megan: “And differently, with confidence. Um, and you know, it’s kind of hard – that’s a hard question to answer.”

Kyira: “That is interesting, though, like that component of everyone assumes the pressure lies in trying to chase thinness, if that’s the ideal, which in our society that is what we’re told we’re supposed to chase. But even when you’re there, you know, there’s this force that you have to maintain it, which I’m assuming is an equal pressure to probably sit with.”

Megan: “Yeah.”

Kyira: “It just looks different.”

Megan: “Uh, huh. Yeah, it does. I think it’s just like a different point of view. I don’t remember being, you know, like crazy about it, but I remember when I was in high school, you know, being on diets. And I’ve been a horrible eater my whole life (laughing). Like, I like sweet food way too much, so I don’t know that I ever stuck religiously to a diet, by any means. But, you know, being able to maintain that, I guess, it’s not difficult, like I’ve been able to, luckily. I just have, you know, everybody has different body shapes. And, like, this is just mine. And, like I said, I’ve been able to gain quite a few pounds and not have it really affect me or make me feel unhappy about it.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “And when I was 28, I got divorced and I lost like 25-30 pounds and I was back to – like, to me it sound crazy to compare it to high school, but like in high school I was still 15-20 pounds heavier than that, or maybe like 15 pounds heavier than that. So I lost like 30 pounds and I was down to, you know, again like a little heavier than I was in high school. And people started asking me if I was sick, like, ‘Is everything OK? Is the divorce really affecting you that much?’ And I didn’t feel like it was, but I was just eating differently because I’d been coexisting with somebody who liked potatoes, you know (laughing), like heavier food. And then I just decided, like through the process, to start eating different.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “We had to live together for a while after we separated, which was awkward. Um, but I had like a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) at that point, like a crop share, and I just, I didn’t want to go to the grocery store because I didn’t want to buy any of the, like the normal things. And it’s hard to get out of that, like, just buying the same normal things. I didn’t want to share everything anymore. So basically I was only eating the things that came in the CSA! (Laughing.) So that’s really why I lost all the weight, cuz I was just eating vegetables and, like, not wanting to cook. So I was just eating, unintentionally a raw food diet (laughing).”

Kyira: “Yeah! But even that, I think, links back to that piece of like you were going through a journey that you were processing mentally and that was some of the stuff you needed to do in that moment to process. It manifests in some stuff with how your body looks and there’s sort of this like, I mean, that is how they connect. There is that, like, you evolve and you change based on where you’re at mentally. And that was just something that changes. It doesn’t sound like something that was an intentional or bad thing. It just, that was where you were at and the journey sort of evolved for you physically and mentally at the time.”

Megan: “Yeah. I got a giant box of vegetables and I might as well eat ‘em! (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “Well, and like they put so much in there you don’t know want to waste it, either. So if you were trying to cook everything else, eventually all that stuff’s gonna go bad so …”

Megan: “Yeah, exactly! When we were like cooking we were into all these meals and stuff, and then it was like, ‘Oh, crap, I don’t wanna cook.’”

Kyira: “Yeah, I just wanna be able to do what I wanna do.”

Megan: “Yeah. So …”

Kyira: “What would you say has been – I usually ask this question in the sense of like, you know, the hardest part of your journey or getting up to this point so far, so you can definitely answer it that route. I’m also curious about sort of the hardest part of your evolution, where you’ve talked about sort of the ups and downs of your profession and the way that that is so intimately connected to you as a woman working with other women – like maybe the hardest part of that.”

Megan: “So the hardest part of me and my journey at, like, through my job?”

Kyira: “Yeah. Or if you wanna do it more from like a broader perspective and be like just in general what’s been the hardest part for you?”

Megan: “Um, again, like because I’m not trained as a therapist, my job becomes a lot like therapy from time to time. And it’s just, it becomes a little – it was difficult for me to process other people’s emotions.”

Kyira: “Oh, yeah.”

Megan: “And, you know, myself and my bosses talked about it quite a few times. I did go a see a therapist a few times. Um, it helped and it didn’t. I mean, like it helped in which I was able to figure out, um, what it was that these people were saying to me that was upsetting me so much. Cuz, um, I don’t know if you’ve heard of HSP people, but like highly sensitive people? I don’t think it’s like a diagnosis, like I’m totally aware, like, I’ve always been incredibly sensitive and like perceptive of other people’s emotions and things like that. And I, it affects me a lot. So being able to just disconnect, you know. Like I talked to a lot of people who do, um, you know, talk with traumatized children and talk with, you know … people who are in contact with people who have much more traumatic things. Cuz, like, all I’m talking about is underwear, really (laughing). You know and it shouldn’t be that traumatic, but it is because people and their bodies, you know …”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “But it was always, it’s always really interesting to me to get their perspective. Like I was talking to a good friend who helps children who have been through some kind of major trauma and then she tries to get them, pull them back from that so that they don’t later on in life, you know, end up at risk or anything like that. And I was like, ‘How do you deal with all the losses in the day?’ Because I can’t imagine everything’s a win, you know. And she was like, ‘Oh, you just have to take that one win and like ride on that mentally.’ And that just kinda helped, just hearing that, because the process of, you know, just like a customer coming back, one customer out of 15-20 people, being mad at me because their bra wasn’t perfect was really, really hard. And then I stopped using the word ‘perfect,’ that was like a big thing. I’m a perfectionist, but I can’t be. Because not everybody is gonna be happy. Some people are just destined to me mad about things or like want, in a way, maybe they don’t want it but there’s something in their personality that kinda wants something to go wrong.’

Kyira: “Or they’re looking for something deeper than just the bra.”

Megan: “Exactly.”

Kyira: “You know, like they want something more, something transformative. And that takes a lot of different work. And so to unload that onto you isn’t fair.”

Megan: “Yeah. So, just like, it’d be so funny cuz like the reason I talked with that friend who worked with the children was I was like, ‘I feel like what you’re doing is so much more serious than what I’m doing.’ Not to say my job’s not important, but for me to feel so like traumatized after somebody gets mad at me isn’t fair. I was like, so I need to find some way to like …”

Kyira: “Put that switch in there.”

Megan: “Put that switch in there and make it, um, OK. And just to let that person go, in my mind. And I was like therapy or a job as a therapist is like my worst nightmare! (Laughing.) But like I unintentionally have it anyway, you know what I mean, like it is and it isn’t. There’s lots of people who, like these things don’t come up and they’re very happy. And not everybody is like that, by all means. But you know, the ones who are, it will really affect you, you know.”

Kyira: “Yeah. Well, and I think there’s a difference in like, you know, being in the therapy realm, I made a very intentional choice to take those things on, so I was very aware those things were gonna come on my plate more regularly. That was not what you anticipated, so there’s a little bit different of a preparedness for you going into it, which I think is also part of why it could affect you on a deeper level. One, you’re saying that you absorb emotions at a deeper level, so you feel things more. But two, if somebody is working in a serving position and they’re expecting my job is gonna be this, this and this, and it doesn’t say you’re also gonna have to absorb everybody else’s stuff that they wanna let go of on to you – you’re not prepared for that. So, yeah, I can walk into a room because I know that person’s had sexual abuse or some sort of trauma and I can separate that and I can walk in and be more prepared. You’re walking in blind.”

Megan: “Yeah.”

Kyira: “So I think you’re always gonna have a little bit of that, like, difficulty in it. Because even though that isn’t part of what the job is on the surface, you become a safe space for that to happen – unfortunately and fortunately. …”

Megan: “The last thing I was gonna say about that is that, um, there were times that people would come in and it would be, you know, five customers in a day for four or five days in a row, and they would all affect me in the same way. And then I realized that it was me like doing it, like not that they were so negative. There’s not a way that like five people in a row, three days in a row …”

Kyira: “Are gonna be that way.”

Megan: “All happen to be like just dragging me down, like, ‘This job is too hard. I’m gonna break.’ And it’s like, it’s really interesting. And I knew this cuz I used to manage at a restaurant, like my attitude affects so much. And when I was getting like beaten down mentally, I would project it and then like lots of other people would start to like affect me and be like, you know, ‘This woman’s being really difficult. And that person’s being really difficult.’ …”

Kyira: “A domino effect, for sure.”

Megan: “And then I was like, ‘Oh, it’s not them.’ And I’d have to really take just like a day and clear my space and take a second and be like, ‘Oh, you’re projecting these things on …’ Not that I was trying to make them feel negative or anything! (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “No, it’s usually unintentional …”

Megan: “I might not have even been doing it at all, but in my head everybody was at that point like …”

Kyira: “It’s the same as tying it back to the people that think everybody’s noticing things that they’re not. We project the stuff that’s happening within us onto other people.”

Megan: “Exactly. And because I was having a difficult time with the position at that point, just because – it’s so funny to me that, you know, that the job has had so many major swings. But Katherine’s seen it in me and she’s seen – but like right now, for at least like a year now, I’ve been in a really positive like mind-set, which is really nice. And I think that I just kind of figured out, you know, how to talk to different people. I’ve been in service my entire life, I’ve been working in and out of restaurants and hotels since I was 14, so I’ve always dealt with people. But it’s just different, this job, it’s just different. But I really like it.”

Kyira: “So thinking, sort of the last question, what is it either that you already do – cuz you said, like you’ve gotten to this really good place now – what is it that you’re already doing, or what do you want to do to really kind of nurture that growth and celebrate those steps that you’ve made just within yourself and getting to know yourself on that deeper level?”

Megan: “Oh, I think that, um, the major goal for me moving forward is to really make myself healthier. Because, you know again, back to bodies and stuff like that – people will come in and if somebody’s overweight, every once in a while somebody’s said to me like, ‘Oh, I hate having to do this in front of a thin person.’ And I’m like, ‘Listen, you’re probably healthier than I am.’ Not that I’m like a horrible person, but you know, I smoke too much, I drink too much, I eat too many sweets. Like, I don’t do a lot of good things for my body.’

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “And it’s really important to me that I start taking care of those things. Because, you know, I don’t need to chain-smoke cigarettes, and I don’t need to like, I don’t need to do those things. I just need to focus on like my inner health. Because that’s my major next goal just because, you know, I’ve gotten to the point where, through my position, I’ve started to develop like tendinitis in my wrists, and then I can’t exercise because I can’t put pressure on my hands. And on my days off I’m like icing, you know, and all this stuff. And if I were eating healthy or drinking water or not smoking, these things would probably go away.”

Kyira: “Right.”

Megan: “Even though like I still have to do my job, you know (laughing). And it just sounds really silly, but there’s like a person inside of you that’s like, ‘You know, just keep going, just keep going. Do it the way that you’ve been doing it. It’s fine.’ And it is. But like clearly it’s not if on the weekends I have to sit around and ice my wrists just to go to work the next day! (Laughing.)”

Kyira: “Exactly.”

Megan: “And I’m like, I don’t want pain pills cuz I can’t do my job. You know, so it’s just like, it’s just super silly.”

Kyira: “And moving that direction towards that, like you said, that internal health and focusing there.”

Megan: “Yeah, yeah.”

Kyira: “That’s awesome.”

Megan: “So that’s the goal!”